Gay policy finds home in dorms

By Sandy Coleman, Globe Staff

When the legendary, ivy-covered Phillips Academy in Andover approved a new policy allowing gay faculty members to live in student dormitories with their partners as house counselors, Bill Constantine applauded.

But Constantine, a parent from New York, admits that the topic made him hesitate when it was first raised. Although at home he preaches tolerance and understanding of all kinds of people, with his daughter, Claire, an 11th-grader at Andover, the issue seemed more complex.

''Is a same-sex couple the right role model in the dormitory?'' Constantine said he wondered. ''Is this a role model you want? Does this encourage young kids to consider a same-sex relationship as a course they should follow? I don't know that it does or doesn't. The thought just went through my head.''

Constantine's contemplation was shared by officials at Andover, where the new policy takes effect in the fall, and at least three other New England boarding schools that have quietly made gay faculty counselors and their partners at home in the dorms. Andover had notified parents of the policy.

Officials at the schools play down the practice, saying it is consistent with the institution's liberal traditions. However, they acknowledge, it is one thing to support theory and another to embrace it. The move remains a bold one in a world in which gays risk being attacked because of their sexual orientation. Recently, a 16-year-old Boston girl was attacked on the T allegedly by some classmates who thought she was a lesbian.

And with boarding schools educating many future leaders - former president George Bush graduated from Andover ­ what happens at these small institutions has the potential to influence the world.

''We struggled with the question of whether or not the world beyond Concord Academy was ready to deal with what we felt was a clear issue,'' said Thomas Wilcox, headmaster of Concord Academy in Concord. His school approved a policy allowing same-sex couples to serve as dorm parents, but it took three years for school officials to implement it.

Opposition never materialized and gay faculty house parents now can live in dorms if they are in an established relationship similar to marriage.

''We think the role-modeling we need to do is about setting the right example in the way adults relate to each other,'' Wilcox said. And that, in his view, has nothing to do with sexual orientation, but with maturity.

Lisa Peck, a former Concord Academy teacher and chairwoman of the history department, was the first to live in the dorms with her partner. ''I was the poster child,'' said Peck, 37, who now teaches at Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School.

''The gay and lesbian movement has put a human face on us, and people have understood that no human being committed to teaching and supporting youth should be denied,'' she said.

Peck and her partner were together for five years when they moved on campus and asked to be placed in a boys dorm to head off homophobia. The couple have since broken up, but at Concord, Peck said, ''people could see me as their daughter or granddaughter. I was a human face. I wasn't a sexuality.''

Unlike public schools, boarding schools operate as communities where students and faculty live, work, and play together on campus. Lessons about life extend beyond the classroom, particularly for students who live in dorms with counselors who check homework, enforce curfews, push students to keep their rooms clean, and help them through personal crises.

''The school is the parent,'' said Kevin Jennings, a former Concord gay teacher who is head of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network. ''Twelve years ago when I came out, good parenting for boarding schools meant denying the existence of gay and lesbian people in the eyes of most schools. Today, that means the acceptance of gays and lesbians and dealing with it in a forthright manner.''

In addition to Andover and Concord, the Williston-North Hampton School in East Hampton and Proctor Academy in Andover, N.H., allow gay faculty to be house counselors and live in the dorms with their partners, although they have no formal policies.

Andover and Concord also were two of the first in the state to create gay/straight alliances for their students. Andover extended medical benefits to gay partners years ago, so approving the new dorm policy in October was just another step, spokeswoman Sharon Britton said.

For gay students, it's going to be very important for them to see gay faculty members able to live a normal life, she said.

While the response to Andover's decision has been positive overall, there were parents who had misgivings, Britton said. ''Some of them have moral concerns about homosexuality. Some of them think we are promoting a homosexual lifestyle.''

Jennings is familiar with the argument: ''Every parent shares the same fear: Is my child safe? If you can convince people a group is a threat to a child's safety, they will work to prevent that group's rights. ... So there will be people who will want to manipulate what's happening in Andover to some massive plot by gay people to take over the world.''

At Concord Academy, science department chairman Brian Racine and his partner, Bob Giannino, live on campus. While they are in an apartment and not in the dorms, each partner takes turns working in the dorms from 7:30 to 11 p.m.

For Racine, who has a 6-year-old son from a previous marriage, moving on campus was mostly an economic consideration given the free rent. But, ''the number-one most-important thing is that there be gay adults visible and approachable so students feel comfortable,'' he said.

And, while he is not a faculty member, Giannino said he still feels he is teaching. ''When students on campus see Brian and I together, they see us as a committed couple who love each other deeply. ... They are able to see a side of a lifestyle they might not witness at home.''

The presence of gay couples with solid relationships, say gay students at Andover and Concord, supports those who are at a vulnerable period in life when the struggle toward self-identity is intense.

Gay, lesbian, and bisexual students are five times more likely to have attempted suicide than heterosexual youths and five times more likely to miss school out of fear for their safety, according to a 1997 Massachusetts Youth Risk Survey conducted in 58 randomly selected public high schools.

''At times, it's very hard being gay,'' said Ronalda Sedeno, 16, a co-leader of the Gay/Straight Alliance at Andover. ''You really have to seek out help and really be screaming for it in a world where you think you're not normal. This gives you a sense of support.''

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