Northwest Weekly
Church puts 'welcoming' orientation into practice,

by Jerry Taylor, Globe Staff

WINCHESTER--The Winchester Players' production of "The Old Boy," a drama about denying and coming to grips with homosexuality, opens Friday at the Winchester Unitarian Church, which is certified as a "welcoming congregation" by the Unitarian Universalist Association's Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Concerns.

The church, with 400 families, is one of five Unitarian "welcoming congregations" in the area and one of 22 in Massachusetts to gain the designation since the UUA embarked on this voluntary effort in 1989. Others locally are in Andover, Arlington, Lexington and Reading.

"Unfortunately, it's a program that doesn't have a tangible form of measurement," said Barb Greve, an assistant at the UUA office in Boston. "It's not that 40 percent of the congregation has to be lesbians. But should a lesbian couple walk through the doors with their 5-year-old son, they'd feel comfortable."

There are few before-and-after contrasts resulting from the "welcoming" label, according to members of the Winchester church. The designation, following 18 months of workshops and a congregation vote last June, in large part reaffirmed the sort of openness for which Unitarian Universalists have long been known. Perhaps half the church's members have come from other faiths or denominations.

The statement endorsed by the church members' vote of June 8 reads:

"We, the members of the Winchester Unitarian Society, agree to affirm and promote that we have been in the past, are currently, and will continue to be a Welcoming Congregation for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals. As a Welcoming Congregation, we agree to continue to encourage the full participation of all individuals, regardless of their affectional or sexual orientation, in every aspect of congregational activity, including membership, programming, employment, and the calling of religious professionals."

A delegation from Winchester will carry a banner in the June 13 Gay Pride March in Boston for the third straight year. And the church's Welcoming Congregation Committee took the lead in creating the town's Gay-Straight Alliance, an adult version of one at Winchester High School.

"The alliance is trying to arrange an exhibition of 'In the Life,' a collection of photographs of families of all kinds, and a viewing of the video 'It's Elementary,' about how to discuss homosexuality with children," Beth Kraemer of Woburn said. Kraemer is the chairwoman of the welcoming committee.

"My son came out to me when he was 18," said Kraemer, who works for Arcon Corp., a software firm based at Hanscom Field. "I went through the where-did-I-go-wrong phase. The hardest part was the fear that ended up coming true. It's dangerous. AIDS is lurking around the corner." Her son, Greg, died of AIDS in 1996. He was 25.

Kraemer, one of four women in charge of props for "The Old Boy," took part in a special service last May arranged by the church's worship committee.

"The welcoming congregation was the topic," Marilyn Wilson, a member of the church and producer of "The Old Boy," said. "Beth spoke very movingly about her son coming out to her and about his death. The whole congregation was in tears."

Although the vote was overwhelming in favor of "welcoming," there were some skeptics and dissenters.

"A small minority disagreed," Jeff Keffer, a lawyer, said. "Some asked whether we were promoting a homosexual lifestyle for our children. Some didn't like to have what they see as a doctrine developing. These issues have been on the table and discussed."

Keffer believes the church has gained from its self-examination.

"New friends and members who are gay or lesbian are comfortably out and have expressed gratitude for being members of the congregation," he said. "For parents and children of the church, there's more awareness and openness about these issues. It's strengthened us."

"It's a wonderful coincidence that we found David," referring to the play's director, David Miller, "and he found this play for a place that's so welcoming," said B. J. Williams of Arlington, president of the Players, at a rehearsal last week at the stone church at Main Street and Mystic Valley Parkway. A. R. Gurney's 1991 play is being performed in the Boston area for the first time.

In Gurney's play, the "old boy" is a mentor of a new student at a New England boarding school. The mentor returns to the school decades later as a rising politician to give a graduation speech, and confronts his role in the protege's struggle with sexual orientation, a struggle leading to AIDS and suicide.

John Halbrooks of Winchester, a free-lance writer and the only member of the church in the cast, plays Dexter, the prep school's vice rector, who is described by Miller as a "closet case."

"There are instances that suggest Dexter may be gay or in the closet," Halbrooks said: "It's a subtle change, but also profound. The people in the church are the same, but it's important to go through the process and affirm and make the statement that you're a welcoming congregation."

To Greve--"I was born in a female body but live and am accepted as a guy"--how welcoming the town has become will be reflected in the size of the house.

"The telltale will be in the turnout," Greve said. "There's no boycott. That shows that the Winchester community has at least progressed beyond homophobia. I'm looking forward to seeing it."

"The Old Boy" will be performed May 1,2, 8 and 9 at 8 p.m., and May 3 at 7 p.m. at the Wincester Unitarian Church. For ticket information, call 781-721-1814.

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