A small uptick for tolerance

By Eileen McNamara, Globe Columnist, 3/15/2000

By conventional yardsticks, to use the terminology of the omnipresent marketplace, this has been one tough first quarter for gay rights.

The year began with such promise, from the prospect of Vermont becoming the first state to recognize same-sex marriages to the casual acceptance of gay couples on the ABC game show ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

Then came the market correction:California voters declared the only legitimate marriage to be between a man and a woman. Vermont lawmakers concocted ''civil union'' as a politically palatable alternative to gay marriage. Radio moralist ''Dr. Laura'' Schlessinger expanded her audience for denunciations of homosexuals as ''deviants'' to television. And the Catholic Church apologized to its alienated members without any mention of gay Catholics.

Here the marketplace metaphor collapses; social change is charted on no public index. When it takes hold, it does so in unexpected places. Nowhere was that more evident than at Melrose High School on Monday night.

Melrose, to be clear, is not the People's Republic of Cambridge. A small city just north of Boston, it is home to approximately 28,000 people, most of whom are white, middle-income, and family-oriented, drawn to a community that has moved forward while preserving the best of the past. Not the place where you would expect the wedding announcements in the local paper to include a studio portrait of two young women in white gowns and flowing veils.

The photograph did not go unnoticed. The letters column of the Melrose Free Press, usually a repository for expressions of thanks from such groups as a Cub Scout troop indebted to the benefactor who supplied pizza for its last den meeting, has became a forum on gay rights. There have been letters objecting to what one writer called ''such parodies of the sacred marriage bond.'' But there have been letters, too, congratulating the couple for their courage.

On Monday night, there were only cheers at Melrose High School when Judy Hasselbrack and Maryanne Trasker stood during a meeting to discuss the impact of sexual orientation on students in the city's well-regarded schools. Sponsored by the city's Human Rights Commission and the high school's new Gay-Straight Alliance, the session attracted about 50 people, the curious as well as the regular retinue of civic-minded meeting-goers.

''I was expecting a reaction,'' Trasker said of the decision to publicize the commitment ceremony she and Hasselbrack celebrated with family and friends. ''But I have been overwhelmed by the support. We submitted the photograph because we hope it opens a dialogue in every household in Melrose.''

The couple took the step with the same care and deliberation that has marked their relationship since high school, when neither young woman realized she was gay. They dated for years in college before telling their families. ''For myself, it was a period of terrible ambiguity,'' recalled Hasselbrack. ''Could I be a happy, healthy person and be gay at the same time?''

Neither woman harbors those doubts any longer. In 1996, they bought a house in Melrose, where they both grew up and where they hope to raise a family. They are looking forward to their 10th high school reunion this year, itself an impetus to declare their love openly. ''We knew everyone would be whispering about us,'' said Trasker. ''Why not just tell them?''

Hasselbrack has been asked repeatedly ''why we would want to announce our commitment in the paper like that. I say, Why wouldn't we? All our classmates do when they get married. When I see you on the street or I bump into you on the train, I want you to ask me, `How's Mary?' just like I ask you. I think people in Melrose get it.''

Mayor Patrick Guerrero certainly does. He arrived late Monday night from the FleetCenter, flush with news that the girls basketball team had won their divisional championship. ''Some people told me I've lost their vote for my support of the Gay-Straight Alliance. I told them, `I'm glad; I earned it.' I want our schools, our city to be not only safe but nourishing places for all of us,'' he said with a smile for Trasker, Hasselbrack, and the gay students in the room. ''You have my support on good days and bad days, in public and in private.''

Take that, Dr. Laura.

Eileen McNamara's e-mail address is mcnamara@globe.com.

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