Hatred's silent defeat

PROVINCETOWN should be proud of itself. Over the weekend, it ignored Fred Phelps, who came from Topeka, Kansas, to insult the community.

Phelps said he felt "grimy and dirty just being in this place."

No one invited him.

Everything Phelps did was designed to provoke a response. There was no response.

The community, not the gay community, but the Provincetown community, had the sense, and the stomach to hold its nose until Phelps and his demonstrators left.

It is remarkable, that in a town of thousands with its share of hotheads, that there was such solidarity. It is a victory, albeit a strange one, because the townspeople didn't have to do anything, just look the other way.

Sometimes it's harder to walk away from provocation than to trade invective.

But, in truth, there can be no dialogue with people like the Rev. Phelps. There is, he will tell you, nothing to debate.

Phelps is gone now, gone with his twisted world view.

And the residue of his visit is not the memory of the signs with their anti-gay slogans, but the memory of children.

THIS WAS,for many, the most shocking aspect of Phelps' visit. Seven of the 13 demonstrators were Phelps' grandchildren. The youngest was 14 years old.

Here were children holding signs that read "God hates fags." Do they think traveling around the country picketing against homosexuality is a normal life?

What has Phelps told these children? And do they believe him?

Do they believe the essence of the Bible is a condemnation of homosexuality?

During the demonstration, Phelps was asked about allegations of wife-beating and child abuse made by two of his sons who defected from his church many years ago.

His response was not a response. "I prefer to avoid vain and profane babblings and insolent questions by heathens."

In fact, no response was necessary, because the evidence is plain. Making a 14-year-old hold a sign with a message of hate is abuse.

And there are 30 grandchildren in Phelps' congregation.

The only group that mixed it up with Phelps' protesters were members of the New England branch of the American Atheists Inc., who like Phelps came from off-Cape to protest the demonstration in Provincetown.

It says something about the group that they take Phelps seriously. They came from Somerset for an arcane debate not about homosexuality but about whether Phelps' vengeful god exists.

WHAT a circus. The Cape does feel a little grimy and dirty just now, and the weekend's rain can't quite flush the stain out of Bas Relief Park.

The only disappointment is that about 100 spectators came to watch the show, that 45 police officers had to be on hand and, with their presence, lent an undeserved significance to Phelps' visit.

And now Phelps is gone, back to Topeka with his grandchildren, to raise them in a world warped by his hatred.

His Web site is obscene, his message obscene, and pity the people of Topeka who must suffer his cult every day.

We are adults, and we can wonder at Phelps and his congregation and shake off his message.

But what will happen to those children?

Mark Sullivan is the news columnist for the Cape Cod Times. His column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. He can be reached by calling 862-1284.

CAPE COD TIMES, November 6, 1997

A matter of timing
Parents worry gay issues will be discussed too early

By K.C. MYERS
STAFF WRITER

PROVINCETOWN - The group that had been largely silent spoke out Monday about their concerns for Provincetown's Anti-Bias School and Community Project.

"Our big concern is the use of the words gay and lesbian in preschool and kindergarten," Debbie Trovato, a mother with children in the elementary school, said at a meeting.

"We agree they are not dirty words, but we want the right to teach our kids about that when we feel it's the right time."

School officials say the plan is still being drawn up, and that discussions about gay families at the kindergarten and preschool levels have been neither included nor ruled out.

The Anti-Bias School and Community project aims to educate children in the classroom to treat all minorities, including gays and lesbians, as equals, school officials say.

Now a group of parents who say they sense a hidden agenda in the plan have started to hold meetings separately from the anti-bias group while the project specifics are being formulated.

The opposition will ask the school not to allow the words gay and lesbian to be introduced in classroom discussions by teachers until the fifth grade, said Mary Ellen Spingler, the mother of a 4-year-old.

Spengler said she wouldn't object to those discussions at earlier grades if they were prompted by a student's question.

"We don't want to hurt anyone or make a student feel left out," she said. "But when they insist on discussing these issues to children who are too young, they take away our parental rights."

Margaret Bergman, co-chair of the residents group promoting a school anti-bias plan, said opinions vary within the group about the proper age to begin talking to students about gay and lesbian issues, but the consensus is to let the educators decide what is appropriate. She noted that an anti-bias curriculum in Cambridge schools runs from kindergarten to 12th grade.

About 60 parents and residents attended the meeting Monday evening at the community center. The majority voted to close the meeting to the press, though reporters stayed without taking notes.

Kathe Izzo, a mother, said keeping the press out allowed parents to speak freely about how they really felt.

"It was very raw and very hard for me as a lesbian to hear, but it was very deep," she said. "People may not have been kind or rational, but they were real."

Izzo said many parents felt offended by the way the new program was introduced by the Anti-Bias activists. "They have been very aggressive and condescending and that turned off a lot of parents."

While communities across the state have adopted anti-bias programs, Provincetown's plan has drawn national attention. The Rev. Fred Phelps, an anti-gay church leader from Kansas, recently journeyed to Provincetown to protest the plan. It was also the subject of a Washington Times article this summer. School officials said that story sensationalized and distorted the truth by running the headline "Preschoolers to learn the ABCs of being gay."

Bill Rokicki, Provincetown's elementary school principal, said sexual discussions would occur only as part of the health curriculum, and "anyone has the option to exempt their child from that curriculum."

Rokicki said he was glad the parents held a meeting to discuss their concerns. He is holding a "parent coffee" tonight at 6:30 to go over their questions again.

Paul Silva, the father of two elementary-age children, said many parents attended Monday's meeting because they don't agree with some aspects of the project.

Though initially satisfied with the school officials' explanation of the program, he heard rumors that made him uncomfortable.

"The anti-bias group is very loud and very active," he said.

This year, the anti-bias training is limited to teachers and parents in three sessions in November, January and March.

Silva has no objection to teaching adults, but he said he does not want the anti-bias activists to push the program beyond that without input from other parents.

"I don't want preschool, kindergarten and first-grade children taught about lesbian and gay lifestyles," said Silva. He doesn't believe that school officials intend to do that, "but I want to stay involved and make sure."

Jeannine Cristina, who co-chairs the anti-bias group, said it's sad that a group would form that is against "any part of anti-bias for any reason."

"From what I understand, they are in favor of the anti-bias plan for any group except for the gay and lesbian group," said Cristina, a lesbian mother with an elementary-age daughter.

In the end, it's not what words are used in a classroom that divides and hurts children, said Izzo, "It's really about how people feel about each other."