Not content with the closet
Inspired by others and helped by agencies, gays declaring sexuality at younger age

By Steven Gray, Globe Correspondent, 08/23/97

It is a phenomenon unthinkable two decades ago and one that older generations of gay men and lesbians marvel at: More and more young people are coming out in their teens - in some cases, even in their preteens.

It wasn't long ago that gays and lesbians hid their sexual orientation until they were at least in their mid-20s - and then often only disclosing it in predominantly gay settings.

Now it is different. Seemingly spurred by the heightened visibility of gays and lesbians and the growth of social service agencies that specifically address the needs of gay youth, younger people are fleeing the proverbial closet.

Take Joseph Normandin. He was barely a teenager when he realized he was gay. Like many young people, he hid it. He lied, changing the names of dates from ''Ron'' to ''Rhonda.''

But keeping his sexuality a secret was too much of a burden for Normandin. As a 17-year-old junior at Methuen High School, Normandin came out.

Now 19 and a sophomore at Boston University, he said he found the confidence to come out at BAGLY, the Boston Alliance of Gay and Lesbian Youth, a support group for gay teenagers. There, he said, he found people who accepted him.

''As soon as I accepted that I was gay, I never questioned whether I would come out,'' Normandin said. ''It's a release when you first come out, like saying that you have dignity.''

The presence of gay youths like Normandin is being felt in Massachusetts and across the nation.

Only two years after the state Department of Education founded the first Gay/Straight Alliance as a support group to protect high school gay and lesbian students from would-be harassers, there are more than 100 such groups in Massachusetts schools.

Last spring, more than 2,000 young people marched in the third annual Gay/Straight Youth Alliance Pride March sponsored by the Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth - double the number who participated during the event's first year.

At gay youth centers such as BAGLY and the Boston Gay and Lesbian Adolescent Social Services, or GLASS, administrators say they have experienced phenomenal growth in recent years.

When Boston GLASS opened two years ago, between 10 and 30 young gays and lesbians came to the drop-in center each day, said acting director Janice MacGillivray. Now about 60 gays and lesbians as young as 13 visit the Back Bay center daily, and more than 1,000 youths have gone there to be with friends, use computers, do homework, and find jobs.

At the New York-based Hetrick-Martin Institute, a social service agency for gay and lesbian youth, advocates are seeing younger homosexuals, too.

''They're coming to us as young as 11 years old saying, `We're here and we're queer,''' said Verna Eggleston, executive director of the 18-year-old center. ''They're looking for us to say what's next.''

According to a Pennsylvania State University study to be released later this year, many young gays and lesbians are disclosing their sexuality to their friends - but not their parents - at around age 16. A similar study in 1993 had also found that young people were disclosing their sexual orientation to friends at about 16, and to parents at around 18.

Anthony D'Augelli, a professor of human development and family studies who conducted the studies, also found that the 350 people surveyed, on average, had first become aware of their sexuality at around age 11.

Specialists say greater openness by parents to gay and lesbian life is easing the coming-out process.

''It's hard to generalize, but parents know other gay people in their lives, and they're much more willing to accept their children and their sexuality,'' said Rea Carey, director of the Washington-based National Youth Advocacy Coalition, a network of 130 support groups for gay and lesbian teenagers.

Two years ago, still struggling with her own prejudices against gays, Janice DeBlosi mustered up the boldness to ask her daughter, Nicole, if she was a lesbian.

''I thought she wanted me to tell her that she was wrong,'' said Nicole DeBlosi, now 19 and a junior at Harvard University.

Her inkling confirmed, Janice DeBlosi took it in stride. She joined Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, or P-FLAG. In June, she carried the group's banner in Boston's Pride Day Parade.

''It's not a gay or lesbian issue, it's a life issue,'' said DeBlosi, 48, of Medford, who still cries when she recalls her first P-FLAG meeting. ''There are times when I don't understand, but that's what being a parent is all about.''

Frederick Spears, 22, said he was afraid to tell his mother he is gay because he expected her to blame herself and think it was something that she could change.

''But she was mad that I cut her off, that I kept it from her,'' Spears said. ''She felt like she could have handled it a lot earlier.''

But not all parents and friends are as accepting, and the higher visibility of gays and lesbians brings with it greater risk, youth advocates said. Some young gays and lesbians who come out face rejection and isolation that can lead to self-destructive behavior.

According to the state Department of Education's 1996 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 42 percent of homeless youths identified themselves as lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Roughly 75 percent reported engaging in prostitution to make ends meet, while 87 percent said they used drugs.

The survey also found that 67 percent of gay, lesbian, and bisexual youths had been threatened with a weapon at school.

''Society may be a little less ignorant and more affirming, but the psychological issues and pain associated with coming out have not changed,'' said Robert Garcia, mental health director at the Sidney Borum Health Center in Boston, noting that depression and attempted suicide rates are far higher for gay, lesbian, and bisexual teenagers than for heterosexual ones.

But today's visibility is better than yesterday's silence, say older gays and lesbians, who came out long before Ellen DeGeneres, RuPaul, and others became national pop icons.

''No one talked about it back then. That's what people got kicked out of school for,'' said Jan Platner, 47, a Boston lawyer who came out after leaving college in the early 1970s. ''You had no rights back then. There was no conversation about it at all, and certainly there was no tolerance for it.''

The way Joseph Normandin sees it, his visibility will bolster tolerance and make it even easier for the next generation of gays.

''I decided to live my life the way that I am, and by virtue of that, I'm out,'' he said. ''It's a great thing when people come out because not only does it make the issue more apparent to other people, they're saying they have a sense of dignity that shouldn't be taken away from them.

''I'm proud of what I've done.''